I’m 32 years old, I’m already 9 years old, women are already good with a man, I know that both of us harmoniously developed as special features and developed family. We have always lived well, not stale and not stale in any material way, a person has always earned more, lower, but at the same time I earn badly (I read about the importance of whom in other topics).
If we became friends, well, and on the cob of our stosunkiv, we didn’t talk much about children, and for both of us, as if the topic was not especially important, if we planned for children, we discussed food, but never mind.
If I was 29 years old, I had a baby that was more hysterical for my mother, but then I was more "social", and not internal (for example, I was more important, so that I gave birth to 30 years, that I'm already "old-born" ). "Kudi already pull" toscho). I was really excited and... I literally fell into a panic! In fact, there was no joy at all, only fear, a worldless anxiety, that I won’t run into it, that life will no longer be like that, that I don’t want to, I’m afraid, it’s a little “someone else’s” in the middle ... well, it’s like that. The man helped me, but he couldn’t help me especially. So, as I turned to a psychotherapist for some other reason (panic attacks, as well as my mother's daughters - the separation was not completed to the end), I terminously turned again. I don’t remember our sessions in a report, but I calmed down and started to know about the pregnancy in the morning. Ale, after a couple of days, it became a weekend for me, which at that moment made me even more embarrassed, and after a few months it began to rejoice, as it didn’t sound cynical, because I started to be vigilant, because I’m not ready for motherhood internally, and even better we don’t want to have children until I really want and (dodatkovo) we won’t be better financially secure (my bezporadnist in front of doctors and additional financial vitrati pid hour of vacancy made me feel better). We talked a lot about the price with the person, having divided my wines, look, and we were calmly discussed by those who would like to say "it will be pizno", then we will adopt the child, if we want. After the weekend, the light-gazer changed greatly in me, I sharply changed the scope of work, I began to work hard in another profession, at the same time I was successful in it and I had much more employment, I started to live and live! The beginning of that new activity, as well as our relocation / outbuildings, took my time and strength, the nutrition of the children did not blame.

At the same time, nothing in particular has changed (hey, we actually had a more stable life for that), I didn’t have a special care for the mother of children either. Hello!! I have to do more often and obsessively become spinning in my head about children, revisiting the "paradigm" and so on. I continue to look at the psychotherapist more and more about nutrition from mothers and professional activities, but I also give my respect to those that I strongly stick to nutrition about children, and that I am not impressed with my unambiguous choice. So I recently saw a session of group psychotherapy, there was food about those for whom I don’t have children, and I reacted more belligerently, defending my position (as if I were not so concrete, but still ...). After such vipadkіv I'm already a tizhnіv tizhnіv obmіrkovuyu, chi I want a child chi nі, tse I'm hysterically imposing myself as a concept. Because if I honestly feed myself, then I don’t want, I don’t want to change my life more comfortably, I don’t want to take a steam bath, I already sounded like that, I’m afraid too thin. І zavzhdi є yak pіdstrahuvannya mozhlivіst ozinovlennya. But why am I awake on a stake all the same day I faint and I can’t sing on my choice want to be on the nearest rock?

I would like to feel my own thoughts, and not my psychotherapist, I was treated with her (with interruptions) for about 6 years, and I realize that even in the singing world "an eye of one was merciful".
They discussed it with a person in a report, I know that the problem is even more important, it’s a big deal - don’t flog the fever, don’t try to prove all the mittvo that global nutrition “for 5 credits” (I know such a peculiarity for myself).

(I read other topics here on the forum, quietly, who is afraid and doubtful, I learned a lot for myself, but I still can’t calm myself internally).